Archive for the Bad Craziness Category

This Week In Dada, #5

Posted in Bad Craziness on October 7, 2010 by brokenheadphones

…Because it’s been a while since there’s been any Dada around, so here you go. Share, and enjoy…

I Have Never Seen The Like

Posted in Bad Craziness on January 21, 2010 by brokenheadphones

Okay, I was AROUND when this all jumped off, but I have absolutely NO memory of any of it.  Does anyone ELSE out there remember the Dale automobile from the Twentieth Century Motor Car Company?  I admit, I am perplexed beyond words.  How could I have missed this??  This link is a 10-minute videoclip from Unsolved Mysteries, but really, the story has to be seen to be believed.

Thanks to Paleo-Future for the link.

Worst. Cartoon. EVER.

Posted in Bad Craziness on December 29, 2007 by brokenheadphones

Okay, I want to be perfectly clear on this:

Cartoon Brew has a series, called ‘Cartoon Dump‘, where they showcase bad cartoons, yeah? I’ve watched the whole series, and those cartoons are AWFUL. But they all pale to insignificance in the face of “Animal Soccer World” from the Netherlands’ Phoenix Films.

Imagine a cartoon that blatantly stole some well-known characters from an equally well-known animation company, and animated them (extremely badly) on top of existing footage from some OTHER cartoon. Then replace that other cartoon’s soundtrack with a loop found on the internet somewhere, keeping one of the songs, but having the lyrics re-sung by that weird guy who’s always standing at the bus stop with open cans of cat food and a spork. Top the whole thing off with ALL the voices done by the same hapless guy, who is apparently translating the script into English on the fly. Okay? Now, imagine all of that, only worse. You’re ALMOST there.

Here is part one. Watch it, if you dare.

IF you manage to make it though that, and like me, you want to be able to stand at the next furry con and say you sat through the whole brutal experience with nothing but half a bottle of Cointreau to keep your hands from gouging your eyeballs out, then here’s part two, part three, and part four.

Man, not even DRUGS would make me sit through that again…

This Week In Dada, #4

Posted in Bad Craziness on December 26, 2007 by brokenheadphones

What the hell is THAT???

Because Warren Ellis Loves Us All

Posted in Bad Craziness on December 4, 2007 by brokenheadphones

…and he wants to remind us every so often that ‘Transmetropolitan‘ was not really about the future…

Oh:  Don’t look.  This is your only warning.

Love, and Football: A True Story

Posted in Bad Craziness, stfu on April 23, 2007 by brokenheadphones

The store is one of my usual stops, on the way home from one of the record shops I frequent. This particular winter evening, the face which greeted me upon entering was not that of the store’s proprietor, but a woman whom I’d never seen before. She didn’t have supermodel looks, but I thought she was quite pretty indeed. She gave me a big smile as I walked in, that made me feel as if everything was right with the Universe.

She asked about driving conditions, and suddenly we were yakking like we’d known each other our whole lives. I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman where I felt so at ease, so fast. Even now, months later, it seems as if, for a moment, the proverbial light and angelic choir were beaming down on the two of us, in that little store. For the merest of moments, I dared to hope that this might, maybe, just possibly, be The One. And then — and then —

<sigh> And THEN…

She stood up. I’d asked about a particular brand of wine, and she stood up to get a better look at the bottle I was holding. “Oh, no…” I was staring at the jogging suit jacket she was wearing.

She looked down. “What?”

Are–are you–are you really a Real Madrid fan?” I was looking in horror at the logo and crest emblazoned on the jacket.

She smiled at me again. “Oh yeah, I LOVE ’em; they’re the only football team I watch.”

“Oh, no” I said again, unzipping my jacket to reveal the embroidered FC Barcelona t-shirt I bought at the Barca superstore adjacent to their stadium in Barcelona.

“Oh, NO…” The shock and dismay was plainly etched on her face as her shoulders fell.

(Now, for the unaware:

There are rivals in football: River Plate vs Boca Juniors in Argentina, Vasco Da Gama vs Flamengo in Brazil. The rivalry between FC Barcelona and Real Madrid is perhaps the biggest in all of European sport. You can read about it here.)

And then, in a fraction of a second, our faces both did the following dance of emotions:

–Hurt and anger: “You’re the Enemy! How DARE you trick me into being nice to you! I can’t even be seen TALKING to you because you’re the ENEMY!”

–Rage at the Universe as we both rolled our eyes heavenward: “WHY dost thou MOCK ME??”

–And then shame that we’re half a world away from both of these teams and their stupid rivalry, and we both started laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

We’ve run into each other a couple of times since then. I personally hold a sort of faint hope that we could be the football version of James Carville and Mary Matalin, but really, I know better. Really: any other team in all of the Spanish La Liga and we would be planning the wedding by now. But no. We laugh about it, but we both know it can never be. Because the moral of this story is that there is Love, and there is Football, and there ain’t no substitute for either.

True story, swear to God.

Review: “Ultraviolet”

Posted in Bad Craziness, Reviews on March 4, 2006 by brokenheadphones

Before I went to see this movie, I found it interesting to learn that Screen Gems didn’t allow for pre-release review screenings.  This, as we have come to learn, is the mark of a bad film.  if the company doesn’t let reviewers see it, then those reviewers can’t tell the world what a turkey the movie is.

Okay.  We have now ascertained that ‘Ultraviolet’ was a bad film.  Here’s why.

One of my pet peeves with current moviemaking trends is movies which eschew niggling little details like, oh, PLOT, character development, and SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF in favour of giving a leggy woman some guns and having her spend 90 miniutes blasting holes in faceless drones who apparently couldn’t hit the ground if they used a laser sight.  In addition to that, ‘Ultraviolet’s cheesecloth-like plot was made up primarily of scenes from OTHER MOVIES: ‘Blade’, ‘The Matrix’, ‘Equilibrium’ ‘Lone Wolf & Cub’, and ‘Gloria’, with a little ‘GATTACA’ and ‘Fahrenheit 451’ to try and be ‘edgy’ and ‘futuristic’.  I was blowing raspberries at this thing five minutes into it.

The opening credits told me everything I needed to know about this film:  The credits are printed on (non-existent) issues of the ‘Ultraviolet’ comic book, with the covers done by some actual comic artists.  (I could’ve sworn I saw one by Dave Stevens in there: Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave.  Do you need money THAT bad?  Are those people making you do drugs?  You have to get out of LA, Dave, that place is killing you.  Those people – those people don’t love you Dave, not like we do.  Come back to us, Dave.  Do you remember?  Do you remember Pacific Comics, Dave?  Wasn’t it FUN?  It can be like it was.  It can be FUN again.  Just come back to us.  We can get you the help you need.  We love you Dave, and we miss you.  Come back to us.)  It was obvious that the makers of this film are huge comicbook fans (there were also parts of Howard Chaykin‘s ‘Cyberella‘ and the miniseries ‘Accelerate‘ accreted to the tissue-paper plot), and HAD THEY MADE AN ACTUAL COMICBOOK, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY.  As a comicbook.  As a MOVIE, it was dreadful.

So, in conclusion: Gunkata, swordkata, blah blah, wait for this to show up on the P2P nets, edit out every scene in which a face-to-face conversation takes place, and enjoy a solid 18-minute action *spectacular*.