Faint Praise, Indeed

I forgot to mention: As we were walking out of ‘Ultraviolet’, the friend I had gone with said “Well, it was better than ‘Aeon Flux‘” (which I didn’t see because I KNEW it wouldn’t be as good as the original), which leads me to wonder: when will the heads start to roll in Hollywood over this kind of shit??  How many more dogpiss-poor remakes, re-treads, and ‘re-imaginings’ are we gonna stay away from before Hollywood gets the message?  “It’s a remake of ‘A Patch Of Blue‘ except she’s the bioweapon daughter of a huge megacorp and he’s a half elf/half vampire NINJA!”

If someone walked into my office saying that, I’d grab the nearest sharp object and replace their groin with it.  I was gonna say ‘lobotomise them’ but anybody who would think that that was a good idea for a movie has probably already had one.

Y’know, Hollywood can blame P2P networks, recordable DVDs, Blackberry units, sunspots and whatever else ALL THEY WANT to explain why no-one’s going to see their movies, but THE SIMPLE FACT IS THAT HOLLYWOOD IS LOSING MONEY BECAUSE HOLLYWOOD IS MAKING SHITTY FILMS.  Did we really NEED a remake of ‘The Hills Have Eyes’?  Do we really NEED a remake of ‘The Poseidon Adventure’?  What next, a remake of ‘The Towering Inferno’?  ‘Bad Ronald’?  How ’bout a remake of ‘New York, New York‘ starring Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher?  (and just like that, I have sinned.  By merely typing those words, I know in my heart it will happen, and it will be my fault.  Sorry, everybody.)

Hollywood will continue to churn out terrible remakes and big-budget special-effect showcases with no story.  And, when those movies flop at the box-office, Hollywood will continue to blame YOU.  Sic Semper Tyrannis, kiddies.  Hollywood is in the first stages of its death throes.  Go make some popcorn, and then get a good seat so we can all point and laugh over the next few years.  Good Riddance to bad rubbish.
In the meantime, bop on over to the Internet Archive and have a bang on the future.

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One Response to “Faint Praise, Indeed”

  1. You forgot to mention the remake of “When a Stranger Calls”. We really needed a new movie based on a story told at Girl Scout campouts and preteen sleepovers. “The calls are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!”

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